


the more you try to erase me

by Katarin



Category: RPF - Hip hop
Genre: Character of Color, Multi, RaPS - Freeform, hip-hop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-21
Updated: 2009-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-04 22:02:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/34567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katarin/pseuds/Katarin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanye doesn't understand why Lupe doesn't want to have sex with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the more you try to erase me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sugargroupie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugargroupie/gifts).



> Title from _Us Placers_ by CRS. All my thanks to B for the beta and everyone who helped me put this fic together.

"No, it's more like this," Lupe says and when Kanye turns the corner, Lupe's on the ground, doing some sort of complicated _stretch_ and Rihanna's right next to him, trying to copy it. "You feel it?"

"Yeah," Rihanna answers, breathing deeply. "Not exactly in my thighs but... but sort of?"

"Exactly."

Rihanna's wearing yoga pants and a sports bra, Lupe's just wearing sweats, they're both bent over, breathing in time and Kanye grins. "No tantric sex unless I'm invited," he tells them, stepping into the room. Rihanna rolls her eyes, which Kanye's cool with because he's pretty fucking sure if he so much as _thought_ about touching Rihanna, Jay would cut his balls off.

Kanye likes his balls, so he turns instead to Lupe. "I knew all that Righteous Kung-Fu stuff couldn't be legit. Why're you macking on Rihanna? Didn't I tell you my tourbus door is always open for you?" Lupe and Rihanna both laugh at that, even though Kanye didn't say anything funny.

"Pharrell was looking for you earlier," Lupe says and he isn't even bothering to look up at him, just going back to doing that stretch.

He could stay. Rihanna's going back into that stretch too and it's going to be a really great view in a couple seconds, all that pretty skin and two of the prettiest members of this tour showing off how flexible they are. They're not paying attention to him though and there's not much point watching them if they're not even going to acknowledge him.

\---

Pharrell wants to collaborate with him on something. They talk over beats and ideas for rhymes until Kevin, the tour producer comes to him with an emergency about the stage lights not syncing properly. Pharrell understands (and Kanye thanks God yet again that he managed to get the people he did on this tour) and they agree to hang later, freestyle a bit and see what comes of it. Then he spends an excruciating five hours going over the stage lights to figure out what the problem is.

"This really isn't your job, Ye," Lupe says. He's closing the door behind him and looking at the light board like it might come to life and eat him whole. Kanye knows how he feels.

"It's off," Kanye tells him. "The entire last third of my set is off and I gotta figure out why."

Lupe sits next to him, puts his feet up on the board. "Yeah, but that's why you have all these lighting guys."

"I got this," Kanye doesn't mean to snap but fuck Lupe for thinking he can tell Kanye what to do. He's not stupid. Maybe he won't be able to do the technical shit to fix the lighting but he can help pinpoint where in his set everything's getting fucked at.

"Ok! Sorry, Ye." Lupe holds his hands up before rolling his neck and reaching into the front pocket of the hoodie he's wearing. "Me and Rihanna picked you up some lunch since you didn't seem to notice everyone else breaking a couple hours ago."

He tosses it into Kanye's lap and when Kanye looks down he sees it's a sandwich. It's wrapped in a couple feet of plastic, so he doesn't have to worry about any of it getting on his pants or on the boards in here. It's the perfect lunch considering where he's working.

"Hey Lupe," he says over his shoulder because Lupe's already almost out the door. "Thanks."

"No sweat but seriously, get out of here sometime before the show starts."

After three hours of watching and re-watching his set, he finally notes the exact point that the lights stop syncing and sends an email to the lighting director. He has to blink when he's finally out of the dark lighting booth and ends up running into most of N.E.R.D. Pharrell takes him out for coffee and then it's call for the show.

The lighting syncs perfectly this time.

\---

"I'm just saying," Kanye tells Lupe the next morning when they run into each other in the hotel lobby. "I'm hot, you're hot, we're on the same tour. This was practically fated to happen."

"Me sucking your dick is written in the stars?" Lupe asks and Kanye likes that, he likes how it sounds and he likes the idea of the stars talking about his cock.

"That's exactly right," Kanye tells him, leaning in just a bit. Lupe's sweaty and gross and Kanye knows it's because he's just back from his morning run. Every morning, no matter where they are, Lupe runs a couple miles. He never uses the hotel treadmill or the gym equipment they tour with. Kanye doesn't know if that's a religious thing or if Lupe's just really into nature. He also doesn't care much because it means he gets to see Lupe walking back to the hotel, shirtless and sweating and generally looking like some truly amazing soft-core.

Lupe puts out a hand when Kanye moves in, it lands in the center of his chest. "Don't try to stand closer when we're both this gross," Lupe tells him and he has a point. Kanye just left the gym and they're both making this elevator about ten degrees hotter than it normally would be. Kanye just doesn't mind the idea of the two of them getting even dirtier. He doesn't even mind getting dirtier in this elevator.

"We could get clean together?" Kanye asks, raising his eyebrows and Lupe laughs just as they get to Lupe's floor.

"Never change, Ye," Lupe tells him and heads into the hallway.

"So you'll get back to me about the blowjob?" Kanye yells down the hallway. A hotel maid looks up from her cleaning cart, eyes wide and Kanye just waves.

\---

"Morning, Ye," Rihanna says the next morning when she answers the door to Lupe's tourbus. In her underwear.

This is completely unacceptable.

"This is completely unacceptable," Kanye tells her. "Why are you in your underwear?"

Rihanna rolls her eyes, laughing. "For fuck's sake, _Dad_, I didn't mean to miss my curfew."

Lupe steps out of the tiny bathroom and Kanye points his finger at him. "You're an asshole!"

"Morning?" Lupe asks. Rihanna is still laughing.

"No, don't morning me. It's criminal that people are getting laid on my on _my_ tour and it's not me." Kanye scowls and Rihanna won't stop laughing. He has half a mind to tell Jay that Lupe's messing with his little girl, stand back and watch the fireworks.

"I have to go," Rihanna finally manages. She heads back to Lupe's sleeping area, still giggling and Kanye's so bitter he can't even admire her fine ass walking away.

"Did you want coffee?" Lupe asks him and Kanye scowls some more.

"Do you even drink coffee?"

Lupe shrugs. "Not really, caffeine, but you're here and I know you drink coffee by the pot so-"

Kanye folds his arms in front of himself. "I wouldn't ask you to compromise your religious beliefs," he says before turning away to go.

"See you later, Ye!" Lupe calls after him.

\---

"You need to help me convince Lupe to compromise his religious beliefs," Kanye tells Pharrell over coffee. Pharrell blinks over his cup and shakes his head.

"Wait... what?" he asks, Kanye sighs.

"Lupe wants me. I know he does. I mean, he isn't blind. I just have to convince him that my dick is totally worth breaking his religious vows or something."

"I don't think Lupe really has a problem with-"

"Of course it is!" Kanye interrupts. "What else could it be? I'm here, he's here and he's not on my dick. It's gotta be hard for him, you know?" Kanye looks out the window, taking in all the ways Arizona is different from practically anywhere else. "I mean, this is his big break and here I am, causing him a crisis of faith... I should be nicer to him."

"Ye..." Pharrell shakes his head. "Whatever you say, man."

"This should be pretty easy now that I think of it. I mean, its just a matter of getting Lupe to do what we both want him to do."

\---

"Dude, that's fucking sick. You just came up with that?" Lupe asks him, eyes lighting up.

Kanye's bent over his laptop. He's messing around with possible beats for him and Pharrell but he looks up when he sees Lupe grilling in his peripheral vision. "You like this? Me and Pharrell have been talking about laying down tracks together."

"What, just record in the middle of your hugely demanding world tour?" Lupe asks him. He's putting his feet up on the table and if he keeps doing that Kanye's going to get some sort of fetish for his calves or something.

Kanye shrugs and clicks open the bassline controls. "Just laying down a couple tracks, maybe make a mixtape or two." Kanye reaches out to flick at the back of Lupe's knee. "Always gotta stay sharp, kid. Never take yourself out of the game, not even for a second."

Lupe turns to look at him, stares really hard until Kanye actually feels a bit uncomfortable. "You like the view so much I can send you pictures,baby," Kanye says but it's only half as much of a come-on as it should be.

"When do you find time to fucking sleep, Ye?" Lupe asks him but it doesn't sound like a joke.

Kanye shrugs again, not looking at Lupe. "We can't all be laid-back skateboarding types."

\---

Rihanna comes out of Lupe's tourbus again at seven in the morning. She runs into Kanye on the way to the tour's mobile gym and Kanye tries very hard to pretend like he isn't insanely jealous of her.

"Good morning, Kanye," Rihanna says brightly, cheerful like only people who've just gotten laid by hotass, black-belt-having, cute-little-glasses-wearing, hip-hop impresarios named Lupe Fiasco can be. Kanye hates her a little, in that moment. Then he imagines Jay's face if he heard him think that and smiles at Rihanna.

"Morning," Kanye mumbles. "Sleep well? Umm, I meant..."

"I slept _great_," Rihanna tells him and when Kanye looks up she's got that look on her face, that 'I-have-a-secret' look. Kanye remembers it from when Jay was gonna propose to B and Rihanna found out first because Jay wanted her advice on the ring. Kanye forgives her for that. Sure, he's an incredibly stylish man, a trendsetter and risk taker of the highest order and fashion is third only to hip-hop and getting laid on his list of passions, but Jay probably just wanted a woman's opinion. Plus, Rihanna's taste isn't bad, for not being Kanye.

Kanye ignores her as much as possible, considering they're using elliptical machines right next to each other. The problem is she keeps humming and it doesn't take long for Kanye to recognize the song as _Kick, Push_. He scowls and goes to work on the weight machine, trying to exude his most pointed air of 'I don't care about all the amazing sex you had with Lupe, hotties like him are a dime a dozen and I don't jerk off thinking about licking the back of his neck nightly'. Rihanna finishes on the elliptical and switches to a rowing machine and now she's humming _Paris, Tokyo_.

"You know no one in this room cares that you fucked Lupe," he shouts.

"No one, huh?" Rihanna asks, looking up innocently from the rowing machine to survey the very empty room.

"Yeah, no one. Lupe's just a guy, he's a guy with a dick like every other guy. I've sucked plenty of dick so I don't need his!" That sentence got away from him but Kanye stands by the sentiment. He's doing great without Lupe.

"Pull the other one, Ye," Rihanna tells him and continues humming while working on the rowing machine. She's all sweaty, powerful arms pulling back the handles on the machine. He can just see her on top of Lupe, hips working together, Lupe holding her up and Rihanna pushing down.

Kanye thinks he hates them a lot and then quits his workout early in order to go jerk off.

\---

"Hey Kanye, you done sulking about how jealous you aren't yet?" Rihanna asks him, popping onto his tourbus.

"Maybe," Kanye answers because truth me told he'd been jerking off a lot more lately thinking about Lupe and Rihanna hitting it.

"Good because I had some ideas for my next album and thought I could bounce them off you." And that's why Kanye liked Rihanna, besides Jay telling him to and her overall level of greatness (that included excellent taste, but Kanye still should have picked out that ring with Jay), Rihanna felt just as strongly about music as he does.

Rihanna pulls out her laptop and plays a couple samples for him. "Oh I like that one," he says, moving his head. "The hook, it's fucking driving, girl."

"Lupe said so too," she tells him, switching to the next snippet. "So I guess I'm keeping that one for sure." She doesn't sound like she's rubbing it in, which only makes him hate her more, because she can be casual about all the casual sex she's having with Lupe.

"Lupe has great taste," he tells her, because Lupe does for the most part. The major lapse obviously being not wanting to blow Kanye, which is a serious gap but otherwise, Lupe's great.

"Oh, I _know_." And now Rihanna _is_ doing it on purpose.

"I can kick you off my bus," he says. Rihanna just laughs.

"You wouldn't do that."

"Says who?" he asks. "I can kick you off whenever I want."

"Two reasons," she says, holding up two perfectly manicured fingers. He takes a second to wonder what they'd look like inside of Lupe and when he starts paying attention again she's in the middle of her first point. "And you know he would, because he's Jay and knowing everything is just what he does. For another thing, you're secretly hoping I'll spill all my secrets, either about how I got Lupe into bed with me or about how Lupe is in bed. Don't think I don't know how much you're spanking it thinking about that, by the way."

Kanye can't really argue with any of that, which makes sense, because Rihanna's met him before so he just shrugs. "Did you want to finish with your songs before you tell me about the great lay I'm not getting or after?"

"What makes you think I'm actually going to tell you?"

She's the worst.

\---

Kanye thinks he might break something, he's grinning so hard the next morning.

"Someone's cheerful," Chad says when Kanye walks by, humming.

"Did you see Rihanna?" Kanye asks. Chad nods. "You saw her, leaving her tourbus and flirting with your merchgirl?"

"Chelsea's really hot, Ye. You can't blame her," Chad says and Kanye nods.

"Yes but the _point_ is that she was in her own tourbus, not Lupe's!" He pumps his fist in the air and Chad shakes his head and walks away from him. He doesn't care though. He's always loved Rihanna. He wants to write songs and songs about how great she is, now that she's not cockblocking him by being hot and smart and having tits with which to entice Lupe away from him. He'll have Lupe working through his gay crisis in no time.

Rihanna strolls past him, clearly on her way to get coffee and he beams at her, waving. She smiles and waves back. The sun is shining, it's a beautiful day.

Then he looks back over towards Lupe's bus and sees Pharrell walk out, zipping up his hoodie.

\---

"But see, we were thinking, why settle for just a mix-tape? What if we all did a side-project together?" Lupe says and next to him, Pharrell is nodding enthusiastically. Kanye isn't scowling, because this is serious, this is music and he takes music seriously. Not just that, but Pharrell and Lupe really want their music to mean something, to make something long-lasting and meaningful. They both mentioned a list of different charities they could donate proceeds from any album their side-project puts out. This is meaningful, life-affirming stuff; the sort of thing Common's always on his ass about.

He still kind of wishes Pharrell's dick would shrivel up and fall off.

_Liar! Betrayer!_ Kanye thinks, remembering how he'd all but cried on Pharrell's shoulder about wanting to bone Lupe. "You guys think of a name yet?" Kanye asks instead because he's a professional.

"Pharrell came up with the tightest name, Ye," Lupe says, nudging Pharrell with his shoulder. "Go on tell him."

"CRS," Pharrell says before pointing at Lupe, "Child-" then Kanye "-Rebel-" and finally himself "-Soldier." It's a solid name and Kanye likes the idea of being the "Rebel" so he nods along, lets them keep talking it up to him and tries not to wonder if Jay knows anyone in New Mexico that could help him hide a body.

\---

"So you really meant what you said?" Lupe asks, bringing Kanye a bottle of water and sitting across from him on the couch. Kanye doesn't know why he wanted to come onto Lupe's bus alone with him. That Darth Vader costume is next to Lupe on the couch, mask staring up at him like some sort of proof of whatever Lupe and Pharrell got up to in here last night. Kanye remembers Lupe on stage in the costume, remembers him dancing backup during N.E.R.D.'s set. Maybe it's a nerd thing, something he could only understand if he read every Batman comic in the world and owned fake pointy ears. Darth Vader could be a dork aphrodisiac for all he knows.

"Why did you wear that onstage?" he asks Lupe instead of answering his question.

"The costume?" Lupe asks back, pointing at the mask. "Because it was funny and it's not like I owned a blue Star Trek uniform, you know?" Lupe does that thing with his hands that Pharrell and N.E.R.D. do all the time, some sort of salute that's apparently from Star Trek and it's clearly meant to be a joke that Lupe's willing to let him in on but Kanye doesn't get it. He kind of hates Pharrell.

"Oh, right. And yeah. I'll even put us on GOOD. Com's always busting my balls to sign more 'conscious' acts and everything." As changing the subject goes, Kanye has to pat himself on the back for how stealthy he is at it, like a jungle cat.

"You think we might get him to work on it with us?" Lupe asks.

"Common? Oh I'm sure-" he cuts himself off, noticing how eager Lupe looks and thinks about it for a second. He thinks about Com's wide smile, the freckles on his cheeks and nose, his rippling biceps and that torso that Kanye spends the majority of his time wanting to lick. "_No_. No, Com's way, way too busy to work with us. He's swamped, what with his music and his kid, that baby girl of his, because Com's got one, a baby."

Lupe looks at him like he's crazy but just opens his water bottle. "That's a shame but I get him wanting to spend time with his daughter." Kanye nods, watching Lupe tilt his head back to drink his water, nice and slow.

"Yeah but we can all work together still. I'll get started on the contracts and shit," Kanye tells him, still watching.

"Nah, not until the tour's over, Ye," Lupe tells him. "You work too hard as it is."

\---

"What the fuck is going on?" Jay asks, busting into his hotel room. Kanye nearly pulls a muscle reaching for the remote and ends up fumbling it to the ground so he has to dive after it before he can turn his DVD off. That means Jay gets to see several seconds of what's on the television before it goes dark.

"Nothing. I mean, it was just on and I was bored," he tells him, kicking the Star Trek boxed set underneath the bed. "I mean, I wasn't watching it or anything. And if I was, it's because that green space babe was hot, not because I want to find out if dressing like Spock would turn Lupe on."

Jay blinks at him like he can't believe that Kanye both exists and that Jay is somehow friends with him. Kanye sees that look a lot.

"But you didn't come here for that," Kanye says because Jay was yelling before he'd caught him watching Star Trek like it was dirty porn. "So... what are you asking about?"

"Me and B are in the Hamptons, enjoying ourselves, getting a little sun, trying to dodge the paps-"

"You look great, by the way," Kanye interrupts. "Really well rested. You've been working out too, I can tell."

Jay gives him that 'thanks, Ye, but I'm talking right now,' look (Kanye sees that one a lot too) and continues. "But all I keep hearing from my boys up there is all the mischief my girl's getting into down here. So I figure, I'll come down here, talk to the man in charge of this little circus and find out first-hand. So I'm asking, Ye, what's all this talk about Rihanna?"

Kanye takes a second to bask in Jay calling him the man in charge and then puts his hands up. "Jay! I think Rihanna's a grown woman, you know? I think she can make her own choices and even if those choices involve cockblocking me from getting any from Lupe and maybe having hot threesomes with Pharrell that I'm also not invited to, I don't see where I should be stepping in, right?" Kanye smiles while he says it, as if to underscore how completely he isn't to blame for Rihanna getting laid on tour.

"Wait... Rihanna's having threesomes?" Jay asks.

"I... what are you _here_ about?" Kanye asks, because Rihanna and Lupe and maybe Pharrell is the only thing Kanye can even think about.

"Rihanna hooking up with a merchgirl and you not doing anything to keep it off TMZ or protect her privacy even a little bit," Jay explains. "What the fuck are _you_ talking about?"

"Nothing?" Kanye says and Jay just shakes his head.

"Don't be talking about my girl behind her back, Ye," he says, shaking a finger at him. Kanye nods as vigorously as he can.

"Of course not! I just thought you were worried about her or... something."

"Nah, she's capable of taking care of herself," Jay adds.

Kanye lets out a relieved sigh,. nodding along. "She really can, she's so great."

"I know," Jay tells him and looks at him pointedly.

"What?" Kanye asks.

"You gonna go do something to increase security and block press access or did you want me to leave you alone to jerk off to Star Trek?"

Kanye follows him out the door and they both go have a talk with his head of security.

\---

The next day is a day-off and all anyone is talking about is Jay, which is fair because Kanye spent most of the morning telling people he was here. He spends the afternoon introducing him around and then Rihanna shows up and pulls Jay away to go out for some shopping and then a night of pool. Kanye had kind of hoped Jay could listen to what CRS had so far, maybe offer some suggestions but when he says it, Jay just claps him on the shoulder.

"Plenty of time for that, Ye. Let's go out, show my little girl how to close down a bar." Kanye smiles up at him, beaming under his attention but he's not really in a bar sort of mood so he begs off. Then he overhears the sound-techs talking about one of the boards being off so Kanye figures he might as well help fix it.

They're in the booth for hours, Kanye making minor adjustments and then trying it out and the sound engineers fiddling with the actual innards of the board, to see if it might be from both ends. Kanye's going over some last-minute type details for the next three stops on the tour while they're messing around inside so really, when he leaves six hours later, it doesn't feel late at all.

"Still burning the candle, Ye?" Lupe asks, jogging up to him while Kanye's on his way back to his bus. He's got some of the contracts he has to sign under his arm and more are probably waiting for him.

"Something wrong with the sound boards," he explains, waving back from the direction he'd just come.

Lupe nods and follows him onto his bus, sure enough there's a stack of papers on the table. "Yeah but it's not like you didn't hire trained professionals for that," Lupe says, leaning against the table after Kanye sits down.

"Sure but I was there, might as well help, right?" Kanye thinks he did good, he would imagine anyone else would be proud of him or taking such a personal interest.

"Help with the sound boards while going over contracts?" Lupe says, nodding towards the papers on the table. Kanye nods. "Instead of heading to a bar with Jay?"

"I didn't feel like it and you didn't go either, Lupe."

"I don't drink, remember?" he asks and Kanye remembers. No booze or bacon but Pharrell's cock is apparently fine.

"So you figured you come bust my balls about having a work ethic?" he asks.

"Kanye, there's nothing wrong with hard work but don't you think you've been taking it to far?" Lupe throws back.

"No," he doesn't bother to say anything else, just turns back to the contracts because right now he doesn't feel like convincing Lupe to fuck him.

"Ye..." Lupe says and his voice is weirdly quiet. "No matter how hard you work to make this tour great... it won't bring her back."

If Kanye were thinking, he'd know that it's a terrible idea for him to try to hit Lupe. He's got a black belt, he knows more about dodging hits than Kanye will ever know about fighting period. He isn't thinking though, he just acts, reaching out to punch Lupe in the stomach. Lupe dodges and Kanye's momentum carries him forward so he fall on the ground. He tries to kick at Lupe's feet but Lupe jumps back from that even easier. Instead Lupe just grabs hold of him, pinning him to the floor.

"Fuck you," he says and he can feel himself shaking. How fucking _dare_ Lupe say that shit to him. How dare he.

"Ye, c'mon, man. I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Lupe assures him and even though he's still holding him against the floor he can feel the weight of him change, like he's even trying to say he's sorry with his body. Kanye stops fighting to get up and ends up staring up at Lupe. He's pretty shocked when Lupe leans down and kisses him. It's nice as kisses go, Lupe's lips are parted and he's not trying to hard. It's soft, steady, like the way Lupe stretches or drinks water or skateboards or does basically anything else. Lupe takes his time no matter what.

He could sort of kick himself when he says, "Why are you doing this?" because he's been trying to get Lupe to do this for weeks now but he can't really take it back.

"Because I wanted to," Lupe says.

"But... I've seriously been after you for weeks, man."

Lupe laughs softly and leans in to kiss him again. "I just didn't want to be another way you were keeping yourself busy," he whispers and Kanye shivers a bit. They stay like that, Lupe on top of him, kissing him softly and seriously and very much without tongue for a few minutes until Lupe lifts himself up off of him. Kanye thinks they're going to take this into his bedroom so the real fun can begin and he's confused when Lupe zips up his hoodie and heads for the door.

"Where are you going?" he asks.

"I meant what I said," Lupe tells him. "I don't want to be a distraction for you. After the tour's over, you should take a few weeks off and call me. We could grab dinner, hang out, that sort of thing. I'm not saying no, man. I'm saying not yet."

"Until we're off tour?" Kanye asks and Lupe nods. "But you... with Rihanna and Pharrell!"

"I didn't hit it with Pharrell," Lupe explains. "And it was different with me and Rihanna. We were just having fun."

"We could have fun!" Kanye almost shouts. Lupe frowns at him.

"Just until tour's over!" Kanye rushes to explain. "We could have a lot of casual fun and then after tour, fun's over and I'll take you on dates and stuff."

Lupe walks back over to him, leans down and kisses him again. "I seriously mean it when I tell you not to ever change, man," he says and then walks out.

"So you get back to me about the casual sex?" Kanye shouts after him.


End file.
